a destructive existance...

thoughts...


tattoo
blackgunshots
so i have this tat under my belly button, thinking..me? kids? HA...no. it looked fine and in tact throughout the pregnancy, it wasn't until after i squirted this one out that i started seeing double, literally. i don't think my insides were meant to support the weight of a 7 pound 12 ounce baby. but it was all good times.

a sigh
blackgunshots


yes...sleepy, superbad, a nice night night movie. andy finally knocked out but I do believe that I will awaken to his cry and or moans. I predict..2 am? yes. another day of personal chaos. its repetitive and exhausting. nothing that should suprise me.

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ah...movies
blackgunshots

on a lighter note, i'm enjoying the shitty quality that charter provides, its been no more than a month and already i need to get the boxes turned in for new ones. what a tit. war of the worlds is the lucky film that gets the pleasure of being viewed on this sunny sunday. fuck. my cough woke andy up. babies!

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a non-regret regret
blackgunshots

well, although the outcome is well received...what i went through to get it is devastatingly not. why have i chosen what i have chosen? it was delusion, absolutely. an incorrect notion that this existence is what i desired and felt was worth fighting for. i can not stress enough my love, devotion, motivation towards my miniature reflection. with that said, no one deserves this lack of desire and affection. a particular amount of patience, respect and hope has been ripped apart. it has been purposely tested and mishandled.


i take comfort in the fact that in another world, another existence, another universe...i am who i want to be, with who i want to be, someone who might deserve the abundant amount of respect and affection that i am capable of producing. at the moment i deserve to be alone, no one can treat me like shit that way...right?

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